How to Choose a Male Masturbator: My Honest Guide (2026)

Disclosure: My opinion is never for sale. This post contains affiliate links.

Let me say something upfront that most guides on this topic won't say: I'm 52, I'm happily married, and I still have a healthy, active sex life with my wife. I'm saying that because I know a lot of men reading this are in relationships where sex has become less frequent — and I want you to know that using a male masturbator isn't a sign that something is wrong. It's a sign that you're taking your pleasure seriously, on your own terms.

I started using sex toys years ago, out of genuine curiosity. I've always been someone who explores, who asks questions, who doesn't accept that intimacy stops being interesting as you get older. Male masturbators have been part of my sexual life for a long time now — not as a replacement for anything, but as something I reach for when I want quality time with myself. Deep, unhurried, genuinely satisfying.

I've reviewed them on Dapper & Groomed since 2013. I've tested more of them than I can count. And I still have clear opinions about what works, what doesn't, and — crucially — what type suits which kind of man.

This is that guide.

First: why more men are using them, and why that's a good thing

The conversation around male sexual wellness has shifted significantly in the last few years. Men are more open about solo pleasure, about the role it plays in their overall wellbeing, and about the fact that a satisfying sex life doesn't depend entirely on a partner being available, willing, or in the mood.

For married men especially, this matters. Desire levels change over time. Life gets busy. Kids, stress, work, age — all of it affects frequency. A male masturbator doesn't replace intimacy with your partner. But it does mean your sexual wellbeing isn't entirely contingent on someone else's. That's healthy. That's worth saying clearly.

The types — what actually exists and what each one does

Before you buy anything, you need to understand what's available. The market is enormous and most product pages make everything sound equally good. They're not. Here's the honest breakdown.

Manual strokers and sleeves

The simplest category. A soft sleeve — usually TPE or silicone — that you use by hand. No motors, no settings, no charging. Just texture, pressure, and your own control over speed and rhythm.

For a first purchase, this is where I'd tell most men to start. Not because automatic devices aren't good — many of them are excellent — but because a manual stroker lets you understand what kind of stimulation you actually respond to before spending significantly more money on a powered device. They're also easier to clean, easier to store, and less intimidating.

Automatic strokers / masturbators

These use a motor to replicate stroking motion — typically up and down, with adjustable speed and stroke length. The Kiiroo Keon, which I've reviewed in detail on this site, is a good example. Powerful, precise, and genuinely impressive when paired with the right sleeve.

This is the category I personally gravitate toward. At my age, I'm not looking for something frantic or overwhelming. I want something that builds slowly, that I can control, that feels connected rather than mechanical. A good automatic stroker does exactly that when you use it properly — starting slow, building gradually, letting the experience develop rather than rushing it.

Suction and blowjob devices

These simulate oral sex through air pressure and suction rather than stroking motion. The Lovense Max 2 is the most well-known in this category. They're popular, particularly with men who prefer that sensation type, but they're a different experience to stroking devices and worth understanding as distinct before choosing.

Thrusting and multi-function devices

These combine multiple movement types — thrusting, vibration, rotation, heating. On paper they sound like they offer the most. In practice, I find that too many simultaneous sensations can become distracting rather than pleasurable. This is genuinely personal — some men love the intensity. But I'd suggest not starting here. Understand what you enjoy first, then layer complexity in if you want it.

Vibrating sleeves and rings

Simpler powered options that add vibration to a sleeve or ring format. Good entry-level powered products for men who want something between fully manual and fully automatic.

Materials — what's safe and what to avoid

This is where my pharmacy background becomes relevant, and it's the section most buying guides skip because it requires actual knowledge rather than just product descriptions.

TPE (Thermoplastic Elastomer) is the most common sleeve material and is perfectly safe when maintained properly. It's soft, realistic in texture, and gives you a good approximation of genuine sensation. The catch is that TPE is porous — it can harbour bacteria if not cleaned thoroughly and dried completely after every single use. This isn't scaremongering. It's just how the material works. Clean properly and it's fine. Don't, and you're creating conditions for bacterial growth in a product you're using on sensitive tissue.

Body-safe silicone is non-porous, easier to clean, and more durable than TPE. It's typically found in higher-end products. If you can afford the premium, silicone is the better long-term choice from a hygiene and durability standpoint.

ABS plastic is used for device bodies — buttons, casings, structural elements. It's safe and appropriate for this use. The concern arises when budget products use plastic-based materials for the sleeve itself, which can be less skin-safe and harder to maintain.

What to avoid: any product that doesn't clearly state its materials. Reputable brands — Kiiroo, Lovense, Fleshlight, Tenga — are transparent about what they use. If a product page doesn't list materials, that's a red flag. Cheap, unbranded products in this category often use materials that aren't safe for prolonged contact with sensitive skin.

What I've learned about what actually matters

After years of testing, here's what I'd tell a man choosing his first masturbator.

Sensation type over features. The number of settings a device has is almost irrelevant to whether you'll enjoy using it. What matters is whether the fundamental sensation — the texture, the motion, the pressure — matches how you prefer to experience pleasure. I personally prefer a steady, controlled stroking motion. I don't want rotation, I don't want suction, I don't want something that feels like it's trying to do too much. The Lovense Solace Pro is my go-to precisely because it does one thing and does it with remarkable quality. Find your equivalent.

Start at a lower intensity than you think you need. Every automatic device I've tested rewards patience. Starting at maximum speed or intensity is almost always a mistake — you get overwhelmed, the session ends quickly, and you haven't really experienced what the product can do. Start low, build slowly. Let the experience develop.

Lube is not optional. Water-based lube only with TPE sleeves — silicone lube degrades TPE material over time. Use more than you think you need. This isn't a detail. It's the difference between a good session and an uncomfortable one.

Size matters less than you think, comfort matters more. Most devices accommodate a wide range of sizes. Don't make size the primary consideration. Make cleaning ease, sensation type, and build quality the primary considerations.

Buy from a reputable brand with clear material disclosure and a warranty. In this category, cheap usually means short-lived and potentially unsafe. A well-made device from a proper brand lasts years with correct maintenance. A £20 impulse buy from an unknown brand might last three uses.

A note for men in long-term relationships

I want to address this directly because I know it's on a lot of men's minds.

Using a masturbator when you're in a relationship — whether your sex life is active or not — is not a betrayal, a sign of dissatisfaction, or something to feel guilty about. It's a normal, healthy part of male sexuality. The stigma around it is cultural, not rational.

If anything, men who take their solo pleasure seriously tend to be more relaxed, more present, and — anecdotally, from my own experience — better partners. Pressure and frustration don't improve intimacy. Satisfaction does.

If you're in a relationship where sex has become infrequent, a male masturbator doesn't solve the underlying dynamic. But it does mean your physical needs are met on your own terms, which is a reasonable and healthy position to be in.

Where to start — my honest recommendation

If you've never used a male masturbator before and you're not sure where to begin, here's what I'd suggest:

Start with a quality manual sleeve from a reputable brand — Tenga or Fleshlight are both good entry points — to understand what texture and sensation type you respond to. Use it properly, with good lube, without rushing.

Once you know you enjoy it and you have a sense of your preferences, consider a mid-range automatic device. The Lovense Solace Pro is my personal recommendation for men who, like me, prefer a controlled, stroking-based experience over something more complex. The Kiiroo Keon is excellent for men who want adjustable stroke length and the option of interactive content. Both are reviewed in detail on this site.

Don't buy the most expensive or most featured device first. Buy the one that matches what you think you'll enjoy, used properly, and see where it takes you.

Jerome

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Frequently asked questions

Is it normal for married men to use male masturbators? Completely normal, and more common than most men admit. Solo pleasure is a healthy, independent part of male sexuality regardless of relationship status.

What's the best male masturbator for beginners? A quality manual sleeve from Tenga or Fleshlight. Simple, effective, and gives you the information you need about your own preferences before investing in an automatic device.

Is TPE safe to use? Yes, when maintained properly. TPE is porous so thorough cleaning and complete drying after every use is essential. Never store a damp TPE sleeve.

What lube should I use with a male masturbator? Water-based lube only with TPE sleeves. Silicone lube degrades TPE material. Use more than you think you need.

How do I clean a male masturbator? Warm water and mild soap immediately after use, working the solution through the internal texture. Rinse until the water runs completely clear. Dry completely — pat the exterior, air dry the interior opening-side-down — before storing. Never store damp.

What's the difference between automatic and manual masturbators? Manual masturbators are used by hand with no motor — you control all the sensation. Automatic devices use a motor to replicate stroking, suction, or thrusting motion. Manual is simpler and better for beginners. Automatic offers more intensity and hands-free use once you know your preferences.

About the author: I'm Jerome, founder of Dapper & Groomed. I've spent the past 13 years testing and reviewing, sex toys,skincare products, fragrances, grooming products, and men's lifestyle gear on this blog and on my YouTube channel. My reviews are never approved or previewed by brands — just honest, real-world testing from a dad who's been at this since 2013.

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