Alone This Christmas? 5 Ways Men Can Feel Less Lonely

Christmas is supposed to be “the most wonderful time of the year”… unless you’re spending it alone.

If you’re a man reading this and dreading Christmas Day, I want you to know something from the start: there is nothing wrong with you. Life gets messy. Marriages end. Families get complicated. People move away. Sometimes you just find yourself looking at the calendar thinking, “How did I end up here?”

I’m not writing this from a place of theory or clichés. Over the years, through Dapper & Groomed, I’ve had so many messages from men who quietly admit that Christmas is their hardest day of the year. Divorced dads spending the day without their children. Men who have moved to a new city. Guys who just don’t have that big, loud family table we see in the adverts.

I’m lucky( I’m surrounded by my wife and kids) but that doesn’t stop me thinking about the men who aren’t. This post is for you.

You might not be able to change your situation in time for this Christmas. But you can change how you move through the day. Here are five ideas to help you feel a little less empty and a little more human if you’re facing Christmas alone this year.

1. Rewrite the day on your terms

The biggest trap at Christmas is comparison. You picture your ex’s house full of noise. You imagine your kids opening presents without you. You scroll through Instagram and see matching pyjamas and giant turkeys and think, “Everyone has a perfect life except me.”

But here’s the quiet truth: you’re allowed to design your own version of the day.

Instead of trying to imitate a “traditional” family Christmas, ask yourself:

• What would a good day look like for me?

• If there were no expectations, how would I spend 24 hours?

Maybe it’s:

• A slow morning with good coffee and your favourite playlist.

• A proper hot shower, good skincare, your favourite fragrance, not for anyone else, just because it lifts you.

• A long walk somewhere peaceful, where the air is cold but your mind can breathe.

• Cooking something just for you: a steak, a bowl of pasta, or yes, even a Christmas dinner for one if that makes you happy.

• A film marathon or that series you never have time to binge when life is loud.

The goal isn’t to pretend everything is perfect. It’s to reclaim the day from autopilot sadness. Even if you’re alone, this is still your time on this planet. You’re allowed to shape it.

2. Don’t isolate completely. connect in small, intentional ways

Being lonely and being alone are not the same thing.

What hurts most at Christmas isn’t always the lack of people. It’s the feeling of being emotionally disconnected, forgotten, or “outside” of everyone else’s life.

I know it can feel heavy, but one of the most powerful things you can do is plan at least one real connection during the day:

• Call a friend who “gets” you, even just for ten minutes.

• Message another dad who’s also without his kids. You’d be surprised how many are in the same boat.

• Join a video call, even if you feel awkward at first. Being a tiny square on someone’s screen is still better than sitting in absolute silence all day.

If you feel up to it, you can also look outward:

• Some charities, shelters, and community centres welcome volunteers on or around Christmas. Offering a few hours of your time can shift your focus from “What am I missing?” to “Who can I show up for?”

You don’t have to be the loud, social guy if that’s not you. Think of connection like medicine: you don’t need a huge dose, you just need enough to remind your brain, “I belong somewhere. I matter to someone.”

3. Move your body, calm your mind

Loneliness has a way of pulling you onto the sofa and pinning you there. You start scrolling, snacking, and suddenly it’s 4pm, it’s dark outside, and your mood’s even lower than when you woke up.

One simple rule for Christmas Day if you’re alone: move your body at least once.

That might be:

• A long walk with a podcast or your favourite album in your ears

• A run or a quick gym session if they’re open

• A home workout – nothing fancy, just push-ups, squats, stretching

You’re not doing this to “get ripped” on Christmas Day. You’re doing it to stop your mind spiralling.

Afterwards, give yourself 5–10 minutes of calm:

• Put your phone away

• Sit by a window or somewhere quiet

• Take a few slow breaths and simply notice how your body feels

It sounds simple, but it’s often these small, physical things that stop the day becoming an emotional black hole. You’re reminding yourself: I am here, I am alive, I am still in charge of something.

4. Treat yourself with kindness, not punishment

A lot of men punish themselves at Christmas without realising it.

They say things like:

• “I don’t deserve presents this year.”

• “What’s the point of cooking something nice just for me?”

• “I’ll just get through it and crash into bed.”

But here’s the thing: you are still a man who deserves care, pleasure and comfort, even if your life doesn’t look like the advert.

So this year, experiment with being on your own side:

• Buy yourself a present, something you genuinely want. A new fragrance, a jumper you’ll wear all winter, a book, a gadget. Wrap it badly if you want to. The point is the message: “I am worth a gift too.”

• Create a little ritual: a long hot shower, a proper shave or beard trim, moisturiser, a scent you love. Not because you’re going out, because you feel better when you look after yourself.

• Enjoy a good meal: whether you cook it or order it in. This isn’t “sad”. It’s you treating your body with respect.

Kindness towards yourself is not weakness. It’s a quiet, masculine strength: “Even when life is hard, I still choose to care about me.”

5. Use the day to look ahead, not just look back

When you’re alone at Christmas, your mind loves to play the greatest hits of regret:

• “I should have fought harder for that relationship.”

• “I ruined everything.”

• “Everyone else moved on and I stayed stuck.”

You can’t rewrite the past, no matter how many times you replay it in your head. But you can use this quiet day to plant a few seeds for your future.

A few simple ideas:

• Journal honestly. Not a polished essay, just a few pages answering:

  • What hurts the most right now?

  • What do I want next year to feel like?

  • What is one small thing I can change in January?

• Make one practical decision for the year ahead:

  • Joining a club or sports group

  • Booking a weekend trip you’ve postponed for years

  • Committing to therapy or counselling

  • Signing up for a course or class you’ve secretly wanted to try

• Write a letter to your future self, the man you hope to be in a year’s time. Even if it feels a bit corny, it gives your brain a sense of direction. You’re saying, “This is not the final version of my life.”

The goal isn’t to build a perfect five-year plan. It’s simply to gently turn your gaze from “Everything I’ve lost” towards “What might still be possible for me?”

A final word, man to man

If you’re reading this because you know Christmas will be quiet, or painful, or filled with the echo of kids’ laughter that you can’t hear this year, I see you.

You’re not a failure because you’re spending Christmas alone. You’re not less of a man because your life took a different path. You’re not the only one sitting with that heavy feeling in your chest when the Christmas songs start playing.

This year, try this:

• Own the day instead of letting it crush you

• Reach out, even if it’s just to one person

• Move your body, calm your mind

• Be kinder to yourself than you feel you deserve

• Make one small promise to your future

And if you really are struggling and the loneliness feels too much, please talk to someone,a friend, a family member, or a professional. Needing help doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.

If you want to share your story, you can always leave a comment or send me a message. Even if we’ve never met, you don’t have to carry all of this completely on your own.

You deserve joy, connection and peace, at Christmas, and on all the other ordinary days too.

Jerome